Sorry
by DarkMoonGoddess
Summary: Songfic based on "Sorry," by Our Lady Peace. InuYasha's thoughts on Kikyo in a somewhat original style. Well-written, please R&R.


**DMG: I am finally writing a fanfiction for a canon couple and in something different than Yu Yu Hakusho! *hears gasps from audience* What, you think I can't do it? *silence* *sobs* You're right, I can't. *silence* Hey, that was the cue to give me some encouragement, here! *crickets chirp* -_-* I'll have to hire a better audience next time…**

**Random Audience Person: You aren't paying us, you kidnapped us!**

**DMG: *sweatdrop* So what? *throws a penny* Based off the song, "Sorry" by Our Lady Peace. Don't review and tell me you don't like the song. I won't like that. Ya'know, I listened to this song on the radio that would be absolutely PERFECT, but I never heard it again and I don't know the title or artist. Sad, huh? It went like, "'cause everything you wanted me to hide, was all that made me feel alive," or something like that. If anybody knows it, tell me please. Now I'm rambling again. I don't own InuYasha or Our Lady Peace. **

* ~ * ~ * ~ * **Sorry * ~ * ~ * ~ ***

_Today's a reason for living_

_Today's the blood from a stone_

I am sitting high in the branches of the Goshinboku tree, brooding. The others think I am sulking, but I'm not. I am thinking, but they wouldn't believe me. I hurt her again. Kagome, I mean. I don't know how, but I did. I think it has something to do with Kikyo. Kikyo. Kagome. One soul, two very different women. Both have a claim on my heart. 

     I sigh. Kikyo… why do you hate me? Is it because of what happened to us, fifty years ago? It doesn't feel like that long. To me, it was only yesterday, But you have changed so much. You are hardly the woman I once knew. But I have changed also, haven't I, Kikyo?

_Today's the light from a candle  
Helping us to find our way home  
  
_

     Kagome tells me I have. She is right, ne? I no longer hate humans like I once did. I didn't hate you, Kikyo. But the others… I think that maybe I understand some things, now. Like why it is not always best to kill without thought. And what it is to have friends. I never had those before, you know? I had you, Kikyo, but you weren't exactly a friend. I thought I loved you…

_Today we carry each other  
Today the past is a freak_

     Did I love you then, Kikyo? Do I love you now? I don't know. I told them I loved you. But would we have been so easily tricked if we truly loved each other? I don't think so, Kikyo. Naraku played the trick, but it was our distrust that made it work. Naraku took advantage of that. 

_Today is the time for forgiveness  
You were never that good to me  
  
_

Kikyo, did you love me? Do you love me? You wanted me to become human for you. Why, Kikyo? Wasn't I good enough the way I was, as a hanyou? Were you ashamed of loving a half-breed? I don't know, Kikyo. You would use the Shikon jewel to make me human. I dislike being human, but I would have done it for you. You were the first, Kikyo. The first who ever saw me as another person, not just a hanyou who should not have been.   

_I'm sorry I can't lie  
I wasted too much time  
  
     _But – was it love? Back then, I trusted no one. Maybe not even you, Kikyo. I thought I did. I thought you were the one. But now I'm not so sure. I hurt Kagome so many times, to come running for you. But she has always been there for me, even when I pushed her away. She is willing to let me go with you, even though it hurts her. Would you have done as much? You wanted me to die. If you loved me, would you want me to die? 

_Drowning, I've been blind  
But I've opened up my eyes  
  
_

     You knew what it was like to be lonely. I was kept apart because of my blood, the half demon blood of my father. The youkai didn't accept me, and humans were afraid. The Shikon Jewel isolated you. You were its protector. You were so distant. We were attracted to each other because we were both lonely. We saw the other as a possible way to fill that void. Is that right? Neither of us really knew what love was, but I think I do now. 

_Sorry I can't lie  
So I'll just say goodbye,   
  
_

Someone once said there is no love without trust. We didn't have trust, Kikyo. What is love without trust? It is nothing. Gomen nasai, Kikyo. 

_Today is tasting the honey  
Today's the strike of a match  
  
_

     I will never forget you, Kikyo. How could I? You were the first. But it is over now. You _died. But I didn't. I lived. _

_Today's the lines in the pavement  
Helping us to find our way back  
  
_

     I can't die for you, Kikyo. Naraku is dead. I killed him for you, for us, for what he did to us. I avenged our lost love. I thought I was ready to die with you. I thought I could go to hell with you. But I was wrong. 

_Today's the crosses we carry  
Today's the strength that we need  
  
_

     Gomen, Kikyo. I'm sorry. There are people I care about now. Miroku, Sango, even the little brat Shippou…and Kagome. I can't leave her. I've hurt her enough. 

_Today's the hand of an angel  
You were not the kind to believe  
  
_

Kikyo, you've changed too much. You used to care, but I don't think you do, anymore. You still want to purify the jewel. Is that why you approached me in the first place? If you used the jewel to make me human, it would purify it.* So maybe our 'love' wasn't much more than using each other to get what we want. It sounds harsh, but maybe that's the truth. 

_Today we carry each other  
Today we do what we should_

     You wanted to purify the jewel. I wanted acceptance. Oh, I know I said I wanted to become a full youkai, but that was just another way to gain acceptance. We were looking to love for selfish reasons. And selfish love is nothing. 

_Today is the time for forgiving  
Today I wish I could_

I think Kagome loves me. She cares for me, at least. Me. InuYasha. The hanyou. She told me once that she liked me as I was. As a hanyou. No one has ever said that to me before. Not even you, Kikyo. You wanted me to 'become human so we could be together.' Does that mean we couldn't have been together if I was a hanyou? If you truly loved me, Kikyo, then it wouldn't have mattered.

_I'm sorry I can't lie  
I wasted too much time  
  
_     I cannot live in the past anymore, Kikyo. And you are the past, no matter if you have found a false body to inhabit, a shell of your former self. You are cold, Kikyo. I do not think you are capable of any kind of love this time. Not even the selfish kind, the false kind. And I can't stay with you. 

_Drowning, I've been blind  
But I've opened up my eyes  
  
_

Because now I know what real love is, Kikyo, and it took me this long to figure it out. It is unconditional. I do not have to be human. I can be exactly as I am now, InuYasha, the hanyou. All you have to do is give your heart. All of your heart. I'm not ready now, but someday, I will be. 

_Sorry I can't lie  
So I'll just say goodbye_

You and I can never be together, Kikyo. Our chance was destroyed, and maybe we never had a real one anyway. But I have another chance, with Kagome. I'm sorry, Kikyo. I want you to finally rest in peace. 

_Goodbye, goodbye_

_Goodbye, goodbye_

     "Goodbye, Kikyo."

*** ~ * ~ * ~ ***

**DMG: I don't know if I liked the ending all that much… I dunno. And I don't think this was OOC, because anything where InuYasha expresses his feelings is unusual for him. And, mind you, he didn't speak any of this out loud; it was only in his head. I think this is sort of the 'hidden side' of InuYasha, you know? The one he almost never shows.**

REVIEWS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!!! Arigato.

*I don't know if this is true in the series. But it worked. Mou…


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